When somebody talks about fitting in, it is assumed that they are referring to changing themselves to better fit in. But when I came to Penn State, I was worried more about if I could fit by being myself.
To those who don’t know me and are just starting to follow me, I’m a person who hacked MIT and then got rejected from there. Of course the rejection and the hack are not related except for both being related to their admissions deparment. I had tried to make myself into more of a computer science student to get in. When I entered Penn State, I didn’t know if I could survive being myself.
I have always enjoyed entertainment in many forms. Whether it be live performance or a recorded show, I find myself pining to get out of the audience and to help put on the show. Computer programming is not my love in life, but merely a tool I use to bring entertainment and social interaction to others. MusicHostr was not created for me, but rather to give other composers a method to much more easily entertain a larger audience. My real love lies in the art itself, rather than the tools used to create and distribute it. There is not a day that goes by that at least ten melodic themes arise in my head, just to go unwritten and fade into less than the faintest memory. I look everywhere and see many things in one: mathematical patterns, physics, nature, geometry, and subjects for art. I capture many scenes across campus in video, but even that video fails to go anywhere.
As I walk into Fisher Hall during one of my weekly attempts to gain a chance to play the piano, I find it taken by another young pianist who is crafting their art to no audience at all. The work they are producing in many cases is doomed to go unheard by many ears. But, as a sign of encouragement, I don’t walk away. Instead I sit and observe their work, listening to every tone. And when I hear something strong enough, I do take leave but return with my own saxophone to join in with the artist behind the keyboard. The music may only be heard by us, but at least it is being produced.
I dream of being able to push a new song out every few days, to be able to finish my musical, and to work on a film. But I am never in a prime position to get this done. My class schedule keeps me away from my tools from dawn until midnight. And after returning, I find myself exhausted and spending more time doing homework. My tools go unopened, but hope is not lost.
While walking out of a room in Innovation Park, a few miles off campus, I realized that I do fit in much better to Penn State than I thought. I may not be the computer science nerd that I tried to be for MIT, but I am something better: myself, the entertainer and artist. At Penn State, I broadcast music and sports entertainment via radio at The LION 90.7fm through a transmitter that can be heard on radios for miles. I do work on television broadcasts to campus through PSNtv. My equipment is getting use in Second Floor Studios to bring comedic material to the internet. I even do stand-up comedy infront of live audiences with Second Floor Stand-up and juggle with the Penn State Juggling Club. And when I get a chance, I sit down and play the piano until another pianist walks in, whom I will gladly give up my seat at the piano just to watch them get a chance to perfect their art.
I have finally fit in. I’m not the mindless drone of a programmer that I tried to be in my past. I am a distributer of art, performer of art, appreciator of art, and a creator of art.
I am Colton J. Provias. I am myself.
